Original Setting

The year of 2024 is finally coming to an end, and for me such festival days are really getting meaningless. Sometimes I wonder why people created so many holidays to celebrate? Do those days really deserve to be celebrated? What's the reason we are celebrating? and the most important of all, after all the celebrations will we feel a slice of contentment and happiness?

I don't know. I seriously have no clues.

After I quit drinking alcohol. My brain always remains sharp and sober, which helps me to recognize my inner world so much better than ever.and I want to protect my inner world from chaos, problems, desires, jealousy, temptations. How to do it ? The only way I know to achieve this goal is to set up boundaries. Therefore I build up an iron steel wall around me, I feel very safe inside, and I will shout and fight whoever comes to destroy it.

So! I managed to cancel a lot of friends this year, is this some sort of achievement?  
I know a lot of friends, they do not mean to hurt my feelings, but they also do not come to me just for my well being either.We all ask for something from each other, I was able to provide selflessly before, and now I really can not do it anymore. I feel friendship is very similar to trading business, no one wants a non profits deal.

10 years ago, I came to this country knowing no one but my boyfriend. I was desperately looking for friendships, self recognition and approvement from others.  
10 years later today, I have a loving husband, two sweet cats, a pretty cozy house we called it home. And I still have no friends. Do I need one?  
Misschien. (with dutch hand gestures)
Whoever wants to have my friendship needs to climb that iron steel wall, and climb a mountain high like Himalaya. so I don't leave a hope on it.  
Remaining original setting is just fine.